Say Nothing To Couples Struggling To Get Pregnant
I have committed several crimes. It’s hard to see anyone in pain. This is especially true of family members. I may just want them to be okay, or I may want to ease the inconvenience of awkward silence. Maybe I just want to solve this problem. Only in this way can I feel important. I want to say something to make everything better. Some poetic optimism brings hope and pain. At best, it was a well intentioned mistake. At worst, it is untrue, insensitive and rude.
One of the most painful things for a couple is trying to get pregnant. People around them seem to be having children. A friend has experienced this painful road, and I know what I said is wrong. I know this is something you should never say.
Please don’t say:
Relax and things will happen.
First of all, you don’t know. Second, you suggest that it is their fault. They obviously did wrong. You just erase the sacred pain.
You become pregnant when you start the adoption process.
Again, you don’t know. Provide simple and clear solutions to minimize the situation. You may not want to adopt.
“Need yourself”
Again, it makes people think it’s their fault. Just this time you put God in the picture. It’s not just bad theology to suggest that God rejects them because they don’t have enough faith. It was a subtle slap. Because they have not been loved by God.
“You need to be tested…”
They already know, and they already know. Nothing to recommend, the doctor hasn’t told them yet.
“Which of you is the reason?”
This is a very sensitive private area. Don’t ask. If they think you are close enough, they will tell you. If they do, you should walk gracefully. Because you are in the Holy Land.
“You…”
Don’t tell them what to do. You don’t know much about their situation. You’ve been thinking for five minutes. They have been thinking about it.
Speaking:
“Excuse me Hello?”
Open ended questions share as much as they feel comfortable with. If you focus on your feelings rather than solutions, you will be interested.
“It’s really hard”
This allows them to understand your understanding to a certain extent. Although I may not have experienced the same thing, I also suffered from similar despair and injury.
“Thank you for telling me”
They choose to share painful things with you. Respect and thank them for their decision. Let me know how important it is to let you in.
“I love you”
You are with them and you care about them. This is what they really want.
Voice: In what other cases does this same principle apply?
Squeeze together with the children and ask, “What is the best thing I can do when you are injured?”