Did Isolation Hurt Your Marriage?
When covid-19(COVID-19) shelters started ordering, my first prediction was that there would be a baby boom this winter, just like the “snow babies” born nine months after the storm. But the darker predictions also caught my attention. That is, the number of divorce applications increased. Many couples did not know how to solve their relationship problems during the period of isolation, and finally broke up.
Some media reported that with the reopening of states, isolation encouraged reconciliation and reduced divorce, but other media confirmed that infectious diseases pushed marital harm to the edge. The striking example is Kelly Clarkson, a singer who filed for divorce after being separated from her husband in Montana, but this did not help to restore the troubled relationship. Maybe your marriage is very painful now. It may hurt before isolation. Here are four important steps:
1. Give each other space.
Under normal circumstances, most couples should work consciously to create time to get along. But in this pandemic, the couple got used to spending about 6 hours together every day, and suddenly spent every waking hour together. Try to separate at home. With such a person’s time, you can set your own views and collect your own ideas. It’s OK to spare time. When you share space, make sure you are creating a unique safe space for each other.
Identify repetitions or scripts in a marriage.
It is important to realize that this will not cause problems as exposed during the crisis.
It is important to realize that this will not cause problems as exposed during the crisis. On the one hand, it may always seem far away, but part of the reason is carelessness on the other hand. But the other side’s reaction was not friendly. Part of the reason is the hurt caused by the emotional alienation of the first party. Then continue. If the dialog box displays the default Script, try breaking these loops and eliminating the conflict.
3. Solve your problem.
When Susan and I struggled in our 30-year marriage, I not only wanted to see what she could change or do better, but also to see myself. To be honest, sometimes the tension between us is very serious, so we can’t get rid of the conflict until at least one of us decides to let us observe ourselves. The beginning of progress is not to think about what your spouse can do differently, but to ask yourself. When I admit my mistakes and problems, I am helping us. Modesty helps my marriage.
4. Take several steps to break the cycle.
In the previous example, the excluded spouse may be emotionally closer to the unfriendly spouse. Or, even if the other party keeps a melancholy distance, the unfriendly party can choose to show more elegance. When marriage is in a deadlock, it is not important who starts it, but more important to get out of the deadlock. Recognize the warning signs, concentrate, and lend a helping hand whenever necessary.
It is not easy to decide how to solve relationship problems. You may be aware for the first time that there is something wrong with marriage during isolation. But before ending a marriage, you can use these important steps. We found that the greatest process of bringing hope to a desperate marriage is also the simplest. Stress and challenges can be complex, but you have to pull yourself together. The solution can start with a few simple stages, which are rooted in love, patience and kindness.