How Do Real Couples (Financial Experts) Resolve Their Differences On Money
I am ashamed to admit this, but when I got engaged, my first thought after the excitement subsided was: “Oh, we really should know how we deal with money in marriage.”
I know that although it is not completely romantic, I have a student loan. I will have a wedding soon, and I will move to a new city soon. We are very independent people. It has personality and economic strength. I don’t know how to combine our money while maintaining independence. Money is the main source of marital tension, so I want to solve any problems quickly.
Now we will have our first child in a few weeks. I know that we will face more money obstacles and discussions. Although we have developed our own coping strategies and conducted healthy relationship discussions around money, I always want to know how others will develop good habits around their spouse and money.
I contacted some other financial experts. I respect their suggestions very much, let them accept my suggestions and listen to their own stories. Here are four real money differences and their solutions.
How do we align with our money goals?
When my husband and I got married, this was our second marriage. We both went through a difficult divorce. In fact, I had to bear a lot of debts once, and there was little left of assets. Entering a new marriage, we had a literal “burden” and a physical “burden”. Without prior registration, we have many disputes about everyone’s expenses. At the beginning, we were not partners, but two people tried to manage money independently. When you were married before, it was not always good. We have been trying to find new and better ways of money, but we do not have an effective money system.
Solution
If we want to be partners in marriage and finance, we know we have to set some boundaries. We can do better this time. First of all, we should work together to set monthly and annual goals, lock them in the refrigerator, and never get lost. We also set a friendly monthly limit, called “Don’t ask, don’t ask”. This is the money we can spend every month, and don’t check with others. In addition, we can talk. Then we make a weekly budget and pay a certain amount of money to the United Credit Card every week. Through it, both of us can track the whereabouts of every penny, and take responsibility within the weekly budget to achieve the goal. To be honest, After establishing this system, we have no reason to fight for money. We think of ourselves as true partners in life.
Shannah Compton Game, CFP ®, Millennial Call Experts, Millennial Call Podcast Hosts
How can we stop disagreements over spending?
When I married my husband, we were both 29 years old. We all manage our finances separately. It is a challenge to integrate two different financial styles. Up to now, our adult life is all about making money and spending money independently, so we never discussed how to deal with consumption after marriage. Soon differences began over money. I used to like famous handbags. I thought I was working hard. Why not treat myself well? My husband likes electronic products, so it’s easy to spend money on the latest and best gadgets. If he comes in with a new toy, or I come in with a new handbag, things will get tense. We are tired of quarrelling. We don’t want to start hiding what we buy from each other. This will only make things worse.
Solution
After too much debate, we realized that it was time to keep our flexible spending consistent. I don’t want to make rules that restrict each other’s purchases, but I want to open the channel of communication. We decided to limit our consumption to 500 dollars. If we want to buy more than this amount, we must call each other. For example, if you want to make an appointment with some friends for a trip that costs more than $500, call your husband to discuss it. We will discuss how this will affect our goals. For example, buying a house will help us both make more informed decisions in our married life. This open dialogue has always helped us remember that, as a group, we made decisions together and established our empire.
Bola Onada Sokumbi, financial expert and financial educator, smart girl finance
How to participate and let the future husband pay off his debts?
I know my fiance has received a student loan since we started dating. We have been together for more than seven years. But at first he refused to provide any form of financial assistance after my marriage. He thinks it is his debt and responsibility. I think once we get married, we are a team. I also sacrificed in the dream school. This is to go to a university where I can graduate without debt. So when I sacrificed to escape my student loan debt, he felt guilty about bringing debt into his marriage.
Solution
Over the years, we had a lot of conversations before we arrived at a place where we all felt comfortable. Fortunately, we began to discuss this issue a few years before our engagement. When we decided to get married, it was not even a problem! In the end, we reached an interesting compromise. After marriage, we will manage money together, but technically speaking, my income will pay our daily expenses and many bills, and his salary will be used for saving/investment goals, and then pay off debts. Technically, He can still get satisfaction from his salary, but I am providing support so that we can give up his student loan faster than he can repay his student loan alone.
Erin Lowry, author of Bankrupt Millennials: Stop Waste and Make Your Financial Life Better
How do we balance the two careers?
My husband and I have always been people with equal income, which is very important to me. A few years ago, he had the opportunity to find a new job in London. We agreed that living abroad was the priority of our life experience, but it became a bit tricky when we really changed his experience. Because of the job market in London, his new salary was about twice as much as that in the United States. My salary will be halved. As a family, we can earn more money, but after years of equal income, I will earn less and less. Although this may sound ridiculous, I’m not dissatisfied with his new salary, but I don’t know how to lose my pride. I’m really worried about losing my pride in making meaningful contributions to economic independence and family income. After I get my resident card, it’s like putting salt on the wound, “dependent”(yes, I’m considered to be his moving dependent) It is printed on it.
Solution
In order to overcome my sense of losing economic independence, I knew I had to separate some money. Each of us has a separate checking account for our own discretionary spending. That’s all right. We deposit payroll checks into a joint account and use that account to pay bills and household expenses. The money from the joint check is also transferred to our joint savings and investment account. In addition, every month we transfer the same amount of consumption funds to our personal checking account for all expenses that can be freely spent, such as shopping or traveling with friends. Spending money in addition helps me know that although I don’t earn much, I am still free to spend on things that are important to me. In order to protect my experience from the indefinite impact of this move, we agree to check in within one year. If things don’t go well, we will change. Frankly tell your husband what you can really enjoy instead of worrying about my experience, which will help us find a solution that suits us. Four years later, we still live happily in London. This move completely changed my experience.
Erica German, Certified Public Accountant, MBA, Founder of Wors Project