After Sex, I Was Attacked By A Ghost. Do You Mean I’m Terrible In Bed?

I mourn those days. Because I never felt the pain of excitement and disappointment after the first date. All these days I never heard from them again. Being attacked by ghosts is a very clear state for me. Although I hope I can let it roll off my back and say that I know this is not the standard to measure my value, I have not yet fully achieved it.

It’s hard enough after a few dates, but if you sleep with someone, will they disappear from the earth the next day? This is a recipe for a day in bed. Over thinking about what I said and did, I fell into the question I often asked. “Is it because I’m not good in bed?”

Why are people ghosts after sex?

If you have never heard of the word “ghost”, or fortunately you have never experienced it, then ghost means that when someone suddenly disconnects, there is no explanation or reason. There are many reasons why you don’t feel connected, want a free relationship, or attract ghosts from their private lives. The important thing is to realize that you never know why. So it’s important not to blame yourself.

Gabrielle Morse, a senior therapist at the Manhattan Health Center in New York, said, “If you are popular, don’t judge yourself. Go find the culprit.” “The right person will not make you a ghost. You are not a problem to solve. You are just with the wrong person.”

Ghosts are an immature way to end relationships. Especially if you have put your time and energy into the relationship, especially physical intimacy. “Whatever the reason, if someone has a ghost, they will choose to be weak rather than kind,” said Dr. Chris Shane of Louisiana State University, Southwestern University, London.

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Am I being attacked by a ghost because I’m not good at sex?

Emily Sterns, the associate therapist of Manhattan Wellness, said: “If you are cheated by a ghost after sleeping with someone, it is likely that it is not because they have a bad sex life, but because they have not found anything other than mating.” It has a strong relationship with you, and people who pursue emotional interests will not let you feel helpless because sex is “below the standard”.

“In most cases, sex is a two player game,” said Elizabeth Marks, an associate therapist at Manhattan Wellness “Sex is a developing and interesting thing.” “Good” “bad” “should be enjoyed and intimate by both parties. If sex is not what you expect, or(inconvenient or) dissatisfied in general, it may be a reflection of the overall relationship.” “So, the last name does not necessarily mean that you are not good as a person.” There may be no contact.

Sterns added: “Usually, when we are caught by a ghost, we will focus on and hover over everything we can do, regardless of whether we have feelings for that person.” You emphasize that it has nothing to do with it and realize that it can be a model to protect you from blame.

Why are ghosts so uncomfortable

Michelle Miller, a senior therapist at LCSW, Manhattan Health Center, continued: “The ghost will leave something that we all hate, so it makes us so uncomfortable. That’s uncertainty.” Miller said: “Uncertainty leaves us a lot of room to fill the gap.” This allows us to point out our shortcomings or make excuses for this person. For example, they are busy with their work, or they don’t often call. “It is important not to fill in these gaps, because families will only lead to more complex situations, such as feelings of inferiority and insecurity, and will not take root in our reality.”

When you only assume that something has happened, there is no reason to blame yourself. Rachel Holzber, an associate therapist in Manhattan Wellness, added: “When we have to challenge ourselves and remove ourselves from the equation, it feels like a direct attack on us, so we feel uneasy about the heavy shadow.”

If you feel uneasy or blue after being haunted by ghosts, you will know that you are not alone. Eliza Davis, an associate therapist in Manhattan Wellness, said: “This reminds me that I feel that feeling, and sadness is possible.” If you spend time emotionally, or are in a weak state with someone(emotionally and physically), no matter how short the relationship is, you will feel sad at the end, which is normal.

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How long do I have to wait to have sex with someone?

So, you have experienced a big shadow, and you are ready to jump back into the saddle. What is the ideal time to wait to have sex with someone without being fettered by ghosts? According to Miller, no. “We tend to make a lot of rules about sex,” Miller said. “Many women tend to regard sex as their” power card. ” “I don’t like to make rules in this regard, because we all have different degrees of comfort. We should not only focus on the most comfortable at present, but also the most comfortable the next day.” “Rather than setting a time frame, we should decide according to our own feelings.”

Moss believes that when choosing to have sex with someone, you should also change according to what you want. If you think it provides happiness, connection, intimacy, intimacy and romance, let your intuition guide you.

If your decision is based on others, please do not do so. “Wait three months instead of a first date,” Sterns said. “Having sex with new people won’t leave people who don’t like you.” If they are interested in dating you, waiting for you to sleep with your new friends will not suddenly change their feelings.

What if they are attacked by ghosts?

Miller and Moss said that they should be careful first and put down their mobile phones slowly. “Don’t give them another second,” Moss said. They must be removed from social media.

Then focus on yourself. Moss said, “Find your power by transferring your energy to other places: go back to those who see your value.” Practice self-management, rely on the people you love, and don’t isolate yourself. Keep a diary, chat with the therapist or take a walk to make people forget everything.

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How to stop ghosts

Can you stop being haunted by ghosts in your new love? Not exactly. However, before you trust each other, you can prevent you from establishing a deep relationship with someone too early.

Moss said: “Sometimes we can’t control who will become a ghost, but what we can control is not only that people choose a bunch of frameworks and put them on the altar: good sex, charm and good work.” Until a person shows commitment and loyalty, don’t sell them to him. “We tend to catch people who seem to be a good match at first(especially after dating a mute and thanking Tinder), but don’t join the relationship too early until people show us their true colors.

However, you can adopt effective communication strategies in new relationships. Miller suggested communicating expectations for the new relationship and asking the other party about their expectations. When you confirm that both are on the same page and see the warning signal that someone is leaving, instead of waiting for them to say something, you should face them directly.

Then we must use this experience to inform others. “I think it’s important to reflect on ghosts in the process of realizing how you want to treat others,” Davis said “If you don’t want to pursue a relationship/situation, you can realize how difficult it is to be felt by the ghost, and send a text message/phone call/message to someone to encourage them to end everything.”