Never Tell A Divorced Friend Five Things

I never thought I would divorce like other newlyweds in their 20s. In fact, I’m sure. It’s ridiculous that a man without me wants to live as he pleases. Whether it’s hell or charcoal, I plan to stay with him. Our love is like Michael Buble singing on the loudspeaker when we first dance. It is a kind of love that can “conquer the world”.

In other words, it can’t do it.

After a few years of marriage, our dreams changed. We were disappointed by the daily chores, and we were no longer a team. This is a super mini version of the story. Of course, this is much more complicated. This is very personal. The highs and lows of our relationship are forever etched in my soul. Sometimes there are a million reasons for our split, and sometimes there seems to be no specific reason at all.

Nevertheless, it happened anyway. When it appeared, the most surprising thing was how embarrassed you were with many friends and family. Who do you know? Well, “Er,(former name)? We are not actually together…” No dialogue killer will rush to apologize and rush to the nearest exit more embarrassed.

although I sometimes feel isolated, I know my family and friends love me. Even so, when few people know what to say, I still find it hard to comfort. Although a few people support it, others’ disapproval is like a silent judgment. On the contrary, there are statements that hurt more than healing. This makes me wonder how I deal with my divorced friends, and whether I can deal with this situation with the grace and compassion I desire. I think experiencing this special sadness can help me comfort others in the future. Only time can prove it!

So, what happened?

Ladies and gentlemen, I am surprised to have so many friends. Especially accidental acquaintances They asked me this question when they heard about my divorce. I make it clear that what happens in the deepest, longest and most intimate relationship that others think has nothing to do with you. I just hate it. If your friend wants to tell you what happened, she will. No matter whose “mistake” this is, separation will cause harm to both sides. Your job is to meet her there, not to repeat the interesting parts. Please don’t reduce the pain of others to talking.

“What should I do?yesYou? “

Note: Tones can change the rules of the game. You want to avoid mating. Wow, how are you? With sighs and pitiful eyes.

Of course, this is a thorny issue. Is it good to ask how others are doing? That means you care! Unfortunately, these social platitudes put recently divorced friends in trouble.

I remember what I thought. If I have a good day, should I share this? Or will you judge me because I “don’t care” about my predecessor’s pain?

If I breathe a sigh of relief, can I admit it?

What if I had the worst day of my life, but what if I knew that remembering that day would make me cry?

I remember that I wanted to say I did well, but I think I have been criticized for “forgetting him”. Similarly, I remember that almost a year later I was very depressed. But I don’t want to tell anyone. Because they will think that I am “persevering”. When I wrote this letter today, it has been more than two years since I started a new love. But what happened? I still have a day when sadness blinds my eyes. It is a heavy feeling to realize that you have invested for many years in a future that will never be realized.

Divorce is, after all, a roller coaster of feelings. This is enough to cause trouble to anyone. Ambiguous “Hello?” Instead of(SO It’s hard to answer frankly!), “How was your day?” This is a small difference, but it requires a challenge and simplification. I can speak frankly today. I can let you join me today.

“We need to go out and play some time!”

The most amazing thing about my divorce is how much time I suddenly have. I wake up alone, run errands alone, eat dinner alone, and sleep alone by the phone. A little introverted, I seem to be limping. When I meet old friends, they usually suggest that we “take the time” to play to help me. At first I was very excited. But when my proposal didn’t get an actual invitation or plan, I was more disappointed than when they didn’t say anything.

Please, don’t talk nonsense about your divorced friends! If you want to be with her, ask her when she is free, and then make a plan. If you just want her to know that you are missing her, tell her! If you want her to know that you’re okay when you need it, tell her! You don’t need to suggest your time together. Because you never intend to achieve. Divorce is exhausting. If possible, please take the initiative to propose a divorce plan.

I love you, but I don’t understand.

Alas, this is a poignant comment. My first reaction was: “Who said you should understand?” My follow-up reaction was: “Don’t add ‘but…’ after ‘I love you’, don’t.”

Don’t worry. One morning your friend didn’t get out of bed and suddenly wanted to divorce. This is not an impulsive life change. This may have gone through months or even years of deliberation and argument, and debate between husband and wife. It is very complicated.Understanding is not a prerequisite for supporting your lover.

“Have two people ever done psychological counseling?”

This is similar to # 1. It’s none of your business. It also shows your inclination. I think I can do more to prevent this. Believe me, if you want to know what else I can do, I’m sure I asked myself the same question. I’m sorry if you didn’t hit my forehead because I didn’t think of that.

Don’t think this means that I am against psychological counseling. If your friend is already in the pain of divorce, it is suggested that marriage counseling will be later. On the contrary, you can venture to ask: “Do you have anyone to talk to?” This is to express your concern in a gentle and direct way.

Rather than ask her what she has done to prevent this situation, encourage her to take care of herself now.

Obviously, most people want the love and support of their divorced friends. If you read this article carefully at the beginning, you will have a good direction.Don’t let things you shouldn’t do get in the way of what you say. Finally, it’s best to express your concern in the most compassionate and open way.Ignoring someone’s pain will not help to eliminate it. Divorce is isolated enough. Please admit the emotional turmoil your friend is experiencing. I know you are supporting her(or him!) in the way you can. I promise to support you as you plan

The following words are sympathetic and supportive.

  • Do you go to school today?
  • Do you have anyone to talk to? If you are willing to persist, let your friends know that it may be you!
  • Can I help you?
  • Do you want to talk?(All the “don’t ask” questions above? Yes, your friends may not ask if you want to say, but will answer. And you are not meddling, but supporting. Victory.)
  • I love you. I will wait for you here.(Yes, there are no additional conditions.)

Divorce is tough. It’s different for everyone, even for the same person, different days are different! I can’t say platitudes directly to help your friends… So remember that your role is to support, love and be kind.

When I suddenly feel like a ship without anchor, I can never express my gratitude to those who support me unconditionally. If possible, become that person in the life of a friend. Isn’t it about good times and bad times or what we try to do?