How To Communicate With Your Partner When You Quarrel

Whether we call it a heated discussion, disagreement or quarrel, it is not easy to fight with the people we love. It makes us feel depressed, depressed and even guilty about what we hope we have never said before. Although we try to avoid it, conflict is inevitable in any intimate relationship. But we can do something to communicate more effectively, respect the feelings of our partners, and ultimately make the argument more efficient.

We all know that when we share our troubles, it is best to describe the behavior of our spouse. As much as possible, it also helps to focus on our own thoughts, feelings and actions. Offer to share our feelings and hope that we want things in different ways(for example, “You… I think you… will be very hurt…”). We can help our partners hear our messages without personal attack or blame.

Having our arguments goes beyond using the “I Gate”. It knows what makes us angry, and comments about how our particular vulnerability makes us feel good are personal attacks. It is equally important to be responsible for our conflicts. When we disagree with our spouse, it’s also important to focus on our own reactions. Rather than saying defensively(for example, “In fact, it’s your fault” or “You overreact”), “I don’t necessarily think so” may help ease the tension.

2. Don’t generalize too much

Such propositions as “you always…” or “you never…” often come from a melancholy place, or want to emphasize how sad we are. This excessive generalization actually takes away the message we want to convey. They also belittle the moment when the spouse really works hard and increase the hatred of both sides. Avoiding exaggeration will make it easier for our spouse to accept what we say.

3. Don’t think you know the other person’s thoughts or feelings

If we are together for some time, it is easy to assume that we know what our spouse is thinking. We may think that they should know our thoughts or feelings. It is helpful to deeply understand the other party’s response, but if one person is wrong, it may lead to greater conflict. Paying attention to and questioning our assumptions(for example, asking what our spouse actually experienced) can help reduce misunderstandings.

It is also important to take the time to explain our true thoughts or feelings, and not let our spouse feel bad when he or she is uncertain. In fact, it’s really good to know that we still scare each other sometimes.

4. Choose your battle

Sometimes our spouse will unintentionally say things that hurt us. Conscious criticism is not always personal. We must let something slip away. Of course, arguments sometimes occur under less than ideal circumstances. When there is no other person around, find time to express your views. You have time to really listen to each other’s views in a safe and comfortable environment, which helps promote constructive and respectful discussions.

5. Not excessive, clear

Concreteness, giving examples to support our views, can help us pay attention to the behavior of our spouse, and do not generalize too much. There is a good dividing line between several important examples and what looks like continuous records. Pay attention to recent or important examples, and be prepared to explain our feelings. Usually, the best way is to hope that partners will do other things next time.

6. Don’t involve others in the mix

When we are frustrated or misunderstood, we naturally ask for help” “I’m not the only one who feels this way” or “My friends also think you…” may be very tempting. When we use others to strengthen our views, our partners may feel that we are working together against him and her, which may cause further conflicts with relevant parties. It also gives the impression that our perspective is not enough, which will actually make us more powerless.

7. Monitoring and managing anger

Emotions soar, and it is difficult for the best of us to communicate effectively. This is why we must make every effort not to reach a state. In this state, we can say what we will regret or disperse the views we want to express. When we realize that we are getting more and more angry or upset, it is entirely possible to shift ourselves from a situation.(Sometimes it is preferable.)

When we can interact in a more effective way, we leave to escape or passively attack, and leave to return. Li Liang’s purple clay is very different. Take the time to tell partners that it takes time and comfort them with all the things that need to be calm(such as walking, listening to music, taking a bath). Continue the dialogue when actually participating and connecting in a better place.

8. Recognition of spouse’s efforts

When we argue, it is sometimes helpful to remind our spouses of what they are doing to make us feel supported. To acknowledge these facts aloud and express gratitude to our partners is an important stage in building a more constructive and respected dialogue. Reinforcing actions that we think are helpful is often more effective than criticizing things that upset us.

9. Know the right to listen to your feelings

Sometimes we may not dare to express our thoughts or feelings because we are afraid of causing conflict. Over time, this pent up emotion will actually anger us in unexpected ways or when we are surprised. Realizing how much it helps to really express our thoughts and feelings helps avoid unnecessary arguments.

10. Don’t be angry, go to bed

This old suggestion is indeed correct. Although there are times when current problems cannot be solved, remedial measures before going to bed can help avoid leaving negative thoughts and emotions for a long time. A good night’s sleep can also help us better manage our feelings, continue the dialogue in a constructive way, and reduce future conflicts. Before going to bed, take time to remind the other person that you may have similar goals, or you may be in the same team.